This Time, I Said It

They make me mad, they make me disappointed,
I don't want to deal with it, I don't want to play that game,
I know I can't lower my standards, I can't sink to their level,
But there's still something wrong, I just don't feel right.
I show to be strong, I appear to be of joy,
But I can't lie to those who surround me,
I would break the standards that I make,
My life is of irony, my words are of sarcasm,
I try to not disappoint, but does that make me fake?
I say goodbye, for I cannot ride along
With this silly roller coaster that people take.
But again I say, my life is of irony,
It was a goodbye, but it hurts,
The feeling won't detach from its host,
This feeling I brought to myself, because this time I said it.

Tired and Trapped

She's tired of the let downs,
She's tired of the disappointments,
Weary of the life she lives,
Weary of the everlasting toil.
She wants to give up,
She wants to break apart,
But something inside her tells her to keep going,
Something tells her to push forward.
She doesn't know why she keeps going,
She doesn't know why she doesn't stop,
She's lonely and afraid,
She's compressed and trapped.
She's screaming on the inside,
She's crying when no eyes lay upon her,
It's a never-ending question,
It's a sword to the throat.

A Splash on the Taste Buds

A light wind flows making her long, blond hair fly,
Her skin is kissed perfectly by the golden sun,
Sounds of laughter, sounds of water falling into a sky blue pool,
Driving on a country road, windows down, radio loud, not knowing where she's going,
A morning run, with just a hint of breezy air,
A time to take chances, not knowing what may lie ahead,
A romantic somebody, or just the best of pals,
Meeting new people, or just those people who are always around,
A deep breath in, a relaxing breath out,
Summer's in, school's out!

Summer 2009.

An Unheard Scream

She remembers her past, she goes back into the feelings,
She remembers sorrows of others, she remembers her own,
Why is it that she always remembers the feelings of dissatisfaction?
She wants to change people, she wants to grow herself.
She wonders if things are truly different, that its not the same.
She screams inside, she hides too many feelings in a small glass.
The glass always breaks, it is painful, it pierces her.
She's an unheard voice, though she is screaming with thoughts.
She wants something to get to someone fully, but they never truly understand.
She beats herself, for she just wants people to see what she sees,
View what she views, Feel what she feels, Think what she thinks.
But for now she is just an unheard scream,
A scream that is beating on the bars longing to get out of a trapped place.

Taking a Moment

She's driving home from another long and tiring day,
She feels as if something sparks everything around her,
As if everything just stopped,
She turns down the radio and speaks in a normal, but timid voice, "Hi, God."
She talks to him, tells Him about her day,
She prays for others who she knows are in pain,
She prays for what lies ahead, that it won't fall apart.
She tells her that she loves Him, and that she wants to love Him more,
She's a little girl that can't resist but to be attached to her Father,
She knows that theres a love that she can have for Him,
that is greater than any other love,
She talks to Him, She gives Him compliments,
Just for a little while, so she can spend time talking with her Daddy.

The Fear I've Come to Know Most

Head is spinning, i am aching, soul is tired, i am torn.
My greatest fear seems to haunt me, over and over again.
I hate this feeling, i wish i never met this feeling,
The crushing of my heart.
I can't avoid it, can't ignore it, and it continues to come alive.
The fear i try to run away from, the fear that continues to visit me.
I'm tired of it, I'm sick of it.
I just don't want to say good-bye once again.

Misunderstanding

She reaches out to those she sees in need,
She puts her heart onto those who need a friend,
She becomes attached to them, they become her brothers and sisters,
But they think she wants something more than just a friend can offer.

Why can't they understand that she just doesn't want that?
Why can't they understand that she just needs people to rely on?
The moment she thinks they can actually stay in her life, they run away.
When will they actually stay? When will they not leave?