Cheers to Another Year

This year, I look back at how i was at the beginning of this year, and I look at me now. I first think about who I am, I've matured, I've grown, I've learned new things, but I have also not changed who I am.

At the beginning of the year, I was homeschooled. I was disappointed at people, but happy for how my life was, i didn't need any boys, nor had the desire to like them, I was a pleasant person to be around, my parents were my best friends, I was content for how my life was.

Now, my life is completely different, but as I said before, I don't think it changed who I am. I work at Chick Fil A now and I am also a nannny. Those two things have changed my life. They have made me super busy, but they have also helped me build relationships with people that now mean the world to me before. I babysit three girls, a 11 month old, and 8 year old, and a 10 year old. Those girls mean the world to me now. I love them as if they were my little sisters. The people I work with, I can't even begin to describe how thankful I am to have met them. They are amazing people. They have such great heart, they care about me, as I have been longing for so long to be cared for. They are loyal and such good friends to me. I am so glad I have found such great people, because they have built me up and made me once remember what it feels like to have such great friends. These two jobs also have taught me great responsibilty. They have molded me to become a young adult, they have matured me in ways many teenagers don't reach until their mid 20's. I have become a more matured person, and have been able to help others with the wisdom that God has given me.

I look back at this year, and the first thing I think is, wow, what a long year. But I also think, what a great year, I am thankful for all that God has blessed me with. I thought about if I have touched anybody's lives. The truth is, I'm not sure if I have or not, but I sure hope that people have seen the care I put onto them, the love I poor onto them, because what I strive to do more than anything, is to put others before me. I want people to feel cared for, to feel special, because I know that I would want them same done unto me. I look back at this year, and I see it as a learning year. I've learned that the people at my school, theyre not worth throwing all my emotions over. It doesnt mean I still love them and would care for them, but I know that thats not the right place for me. I've learned through that, that even though I may not see those people as my friends, I need to rise above, and still put them before me. Another thing I look back on is boys. Most people would say I have a problem in that area. Some would say a virtue. I'm now seventeen, and I've never had a boyfriend, which can usually be considered weird in this day and age. And even weirder, I havnt truly liked a boy in 2 years. I tend to run away from liking people, mainly because I have a fear of a broken heart. But maybe that a good thing for me right now. I don't have the time for that and I'm still young. I have the rest of my life for that. I have made a few good guy friends, and I couldnt be more happy to have them. They are amazing, and I think they are even more fun to talk to then girls about my thoughts at time.

I've grown to realization through this year, of who I am. I've learned that no one else can mold who I really am. And if so, then I'm fake. I've learned to be more independent. Like what I want to like, make my own choices, and not let anyone else make that decision for me. I've learned more of what I want to do when I'm older, and what interests me like in music, and that I like to draw, and just little stuff. I've learned to be truly content, and truly happy for what I have, and really look at the blessings that are given to me. Because if I don't learn to do that, I would be living a sad life. But I want to be living a happy life, so that I can make others happy. Because life isnt all about me. It's about the others around me.

I'm proud of this year, because I don't think I wasted it on unuseful things. I'm glad for who I am, and what I've done. I have no regrets. I'm happy to smile upon another year that I have lived. And even though a few years from now, I won't remember this exact year, I will know that I have become who I am from just living, just letting life teach me and build me to who I am to be, who God wants me to be.

Sinking

Things try to drown us,

Things come in our lives that try to push us down,

And at times we let those things sink us further and further,

Some people dont try to swim back up,

They find themselves drowning, and then drowned,

Never can get out, Never free,

Don't let things push you deeper in the water,

Don't give up, push through the pain,

Because if you don't you may never be able to get out,

You may never get another breath,
So just swim.

Patience

Life is quick paced, We want things now.
We tend to not wait, we use force in order to get what we want.
But the best things take time, they take patience.
They don't come fast,
But when they come, it is better than anything that came quickly,
Because something about time, that makes it so special.
So wait, wait for things that are worth the time,
Don't force, don't push,
Because it will come,
If only you let it.
Wait.

The Thought or It

A friend told me once, that we sometimes struggle with distuingishing if we actually like someone, or if its just liking the thought of liking someone. We sometimes set our hearts on things that are just thoughts, and sometimes throw away the things that are more than thoughts. I look at everyone around me, and have learned from their mistakes. I have learned from my own. I don't believe it is the liking part that is that hardest part, but choosing if it is just a thought or more.

Lost

I wish I could not see this happen,
I wish it could not happen,
To see them fall, to see them lost,
They start in the standard of society,
But they fall so far down,
They are ruined because of the hypocrites,
They fall, for they were never on firm ground.

I wish I could help,
I wish this didnt happen,
I only can hope that they search,
That they find what is correct through the dark cloud society places on them,
It hurts to see them lost.

How You Take It

I once saw a quote that said, "Life is 10% how you make it, 90% how you take it." We all have things happen to us that we don't like. And the thing is, we can't control what mostly happens. But the essential part is how we take it, it's how we define ourselves, it can pull or push away people, it can touch or hurt others, but mostly it molds us into who we are and how the outcome will be. We tend to forget this, all of us. If we just were more optimistic, we'd pull people towards us. We'd be happier people. We'd be known as someone who was positive, even when things don't go our way. We all have stress, we all have pain, we all suffer for things we don't really necessarily deserve, but if we just overlook that and realize the factors of life are the way they are, we'd be happier and more content people. It's about how you take it that creates what lies ahead for you.

There is an Answer

we all have a chance to live,
we all have a choice to make,
we all have our own mind to think,
we all have a heart to love,
we all have a path to take,
we all have a journey to travel,
we all have decisions to make,

so why does it always seem messed up?
why does it seem to go wrong?

an answer is there,
but we hold it all in our hands,
we run away when the answer is right there in front of us.

Awareness

Aware means care,
It means really looking inside ones thoughts,
It means searching for the message you send to someone,
intentionally or unintentionally.

A gentle and loving spirit can shake up another,
with having no awareness,
it can cause one to question, cause one to wonder,
cause one to think that you feel a certain way about something,
when in fact, you haven't even thought about such a thing.
Be aware, so that you may be the caring and heart-seeking friend,
the friend you strive to be.

Escape

She's the only one there,
The radio to its loudest,
Her speed is fast,
She doesn't speak she doesn't sing,
She just listens to the music, letting it speak for her,
She escapes into the lyrics,
She lives as if that was her world,
She escapes from the world she lives in,
Foot on the peddle firmly,
Knowing she can't escape forever.

She Has No Time

"You think your days are uneventful

And no one ever thinks about you

She goes her own way

She goes her own way

You think your days are ordinary

And no one ever thinks about you

But we're all the same

And she can hardly breathe without you.

She says she has no time for you now."

-Keane

Her life is a routine, she goes to school, she works.

Everyday is the same thing.

She pretends that this is her life, and that is how it should be.

But she knows, they are lies.

She pushes away people, She says she has no time.

One tries to come into her life, She says she has no time.

She knows that she needs someone, She says she has no time.

Why does she push it away?

Why does she pretend like she doesn't care?

Why does she say that she has no time?